Sami, we're flying

Unspeakable Parenting

♤

A year ago I proposed writing a segment called “Unspeakable Parenting” that would use narrative poetry or prose to touch briefly on the more horrific moments in raising children that we don't know how to talk about.

I wrote the following poem in notes to give an idea of what it would look like. It took all of ten minutes so it's inelegant, but it does what it needs to.

Sami's story was inspired by a woman who drove herself and her baby off a cliff.

An acquaintance once remarked that he didn't understand how a loving mother could ever do that to her child.

I offered to explain it to him if he really wanted to know, and he claimed he did.

We haven't spoken since.

I truly believe most people rationalize that they're doing the right thing even in the most horrific moments, but sometimes understanding why is so painful it does nothing but further complicate our worldview.

So the question remains,

do you really want to know?

♤

Sami we're flying

the woods left us behind and

there's nothing to fear now

i know daddy went away 

but it's okay

and i hope you know how sorry I am

because God knows I tried

I tried and I tried 

And I begged God to make it better 

But sometimes God is busy Sami

They'll try to say I didn't ask for help but I did

I begged and I screamed and I tried, Sami

I held you up as my revelation and you fell on deaf ears

I told them I couldn't do it alone

but they said I was strong and 

they couldn't hear they were wrong 

What would they have done anyway

It's impossible enough to be responsible for yourself 

We know better than most

But I'm strong now Sami

Because that's what they told me to be

I'm strong enough to give us wings

and once we're airbound

We'll build castles in the clouds and find a home in the horizon where the ocean meets the sky

They said it will only hurt for a moment

So just breathe deep Sami

We will fill our lungs with absolution

Cradled by the peace of empty eyes

The waves will rockaby baby

when we leave the tree tops

♤