11 Comments
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M.P. Fitzgerald's avatar

Halfway in I suspected he was a tiny furry guy, but had to read it twice to really see how much you buried it in plain sight. Excellent stuff 😁

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Thaddeus Thomas's avatar

Lovely 😄

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Theseus Smash's avatar

Finally some mouse representation

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Zani D's avatar

he ran up the clock.

punch taker.

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Jon T's avatar

Thank you for writing this. It's so good. Imma just go read it again now.

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Zivah Avraham's avatar

Love this Zani, read it several times and saw unctuous layers. You’ve got skills!

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Nick Winney's avatar

its really really good. all the rodent tags are sweet. and yes you dont see a lot of them till you get to the end.

powerful punch. i got Nothing from the prompt. tumbleweeds in my mind, so round of applause to you ZD, to wring out something with layers in something so compact

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ARC's avatar

Good prose

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Emil Ottoman's avatar

Read it, then read it again closer... I see what you did there, but I also see what you did there. You know how hard this is to pull off? "Don't speak to me of blasphemy man, I'd strike the sun if it insulted me." type shit.

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Zani D's avatar

I do not know how hard this is to pull off.

I know how hard it was to get myself sat down at a screen long enough to write it tho 🙃

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Pablo Báez's avatar

“Poor as a church mouse.”

Beautiful closer. Short and sharp.

I know you mentioned it being instinctual, but there’s some elements that for sure have had to be picked up. Subconsciously, maybe. That doesn’t take merit from it, just mentioning it cos you should give yourself more credit.

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